I’m still coming down off the gratitude cloud from last weekend’s OraclePalooza Virtual, and equally swimming in the searing truth of my best friend Doug’s crossing over the rainbow bridge a few short weeks ago. The entire weekend I was in two places as I stepped into one of many “firsts” without him. Being my wingman and emcee at OraclePalooza was the thing he loved best. It was strange to be without him although it was an important new beginning and I felt his spirit the entire time.
I miss the brave, real, loving human though. In the flesh with me backstage eating gluten-free snacks and giggling about how lucky we were to do what we did, and him crying reminding me that not everyone’s stuff was for me to take on. God, I love that man. What a pair we were.
Doug was with me for 16 deep meaningful and fun years of friendship, but what made it special is that we shared a mission. Those kinds of friends are gifts from the Divine.
Doug had a Facebook group for people who wanted to support him during his journey with cancer and he asked me if I would join it even though we never used it to communicate. He touched a lot of people. When I took myself out I thought how beautiful that my friend truly was, someone who knew how to shine on behalf of the Divine—the subject of this week’s reading.
His podcast, Brave Real Loving Human, was to be a launching pad for a new brand of thought leadership. He would stay on as faculty with me and grow this idea. His aspirations came from his own myriad life experiences of self-acceptance and support for those struggling with their identity. The LGBTQIA community has a new shining star in the sky and we all share a bright blue guardian angel named Doug to call on.
I talk a lot about “this and that” being true, “both, and” and lately I have been really living it. Maybe you have experienced a loss during the pandemic, of a person close to you, or perhaps you have tuned into the grief that accompanies great change that our world is calling for. Regardless, there is something transformative about the pain if you allow it to break you open instead of finding a way to escape it. It will come back to visit you anyway.
Grief is never a one and done thing and doesn’t care about your schedule or your plans. Life is messy. And still, we must take each step in the service we’re called to do no matter what.
His memorial service was this past Saturday and it marked for me something profound and beautiful. I know I am moving forward with the spirit and legacy of this extraordinary man that I was so lucky to call my soul brother. Truly not a throwaway term or label. My feelings now are deep and private although you have to give some of that up when you become a public person, which is why I wrote this blog today instead of a chirpy “we can do it!!” message, or to share my book list of what has changed me this year.
As I begin getting ready for a new semester of Oracle School, supporting people to discover their unique authentic inspired lives, to learn to let go of the stories that hold us hostage to the past, I only hope to be as real, brave, loving and human, as he was.
