This is the week I loved when I was little, then over time as life took its turns it became the one I dreaded most, and then changed again into something I was grateful for and looked forward to. (My husband, the holiday elf, is the direct cause of that.) The holidays, in my case Christmas, (you might celebrate one of the other 29 other holidays across the 7 major religions that take place in this season) took on new meaning, like the story in motion reflected in all life. The corridors of time echo for all of us as we are all meaning makers. We assign meaning to periods of time, events, and the stories that accompany them. In many ways this season, certainly for some of us, houses the influence of many ghosts. Maybe you feel this too, the presence of the past, overlapping the now and pointing to what could be in the future. It’s probably why the movie A Christmas Carol was and still is so popular. This is a universal experience.
We can change just like Scrooge. But, we need to surrender our expectations, and all the walls we’ve built for protection and be open to new experiences. It’s hard when you know that attending dinner at your folks will bring up fear and sorrow and unmet desires, loneliness and resentment mixed up with love and longing. Of course, it’s so much easier when you expect to have fun and be merry! Lots of people do! Somewhere in the middle of all of this is a new experience and a softening of possibility, when we can let go and see what wants to be revealed.
I entered this year’s holiday season brimming with hope and gratitude and the holiday spirit then BAM, I have had to revisit some sadness and surrender again. My little dog Bisou (you see her a lot in my videos – she is the cute black and white one) lost the use of her hind legs suddenly last weekend. After going to three different emergency vets, she was transferred to Toronto to the main emergency clinic to see a neurologist. If you’ve been reading my blogs over the years you might remember that four years ago at this very same time our little Olli went to see the same doctor. Now, Olli died six weeks later from meningitis. There is no evidence that Bisou will suffer the same fate, even though we still don’t have any answers as to why this has happened, but it is taking enormous effort to surrender the fear and the deep gut-wrenching sense of helplessness. It’s a weird thing to suddenly experience the old feelings, so many of them now accompanied by the soft yet steady pulse of gratitude. What am I going to make all this mean? What can I learn? How can I remain open and not project the worst?
Of course, what’s been so great is the frankly unexpected outpouring of love from all my friends who reached out from far and wide to lend their support. That is one of the best gifts of a private Facebook page even though I rarely use it. I am so so grateful for it today.
The truth is, my stories of loss no longer wander the halls of time screaming in unexpressed grief and pain, for each one is now gathered up in love and surrounded by beauty and acceptance. I can still hear the echoes of the past but they really are different now.
Today as Marc and I wait, wondering how those little cars work for teeny disabled dogs, I am grateful that I’ve been blessed with the means to look after these furry creatures, and it’s ok that I am also sad and afraid. She might not need one but being prepared doesn’t hurt! So, I can allow space for all of it and know that this is the richness of life’s offerings. Love, loss, beauty, sadness, birth and death, new beginnings, attachment and surrender can all co-exist simultaneously, even when we’re hoping only for what we consider the “good stuff”. I wonder how your holiday is working out for you now. If you’re having a tough time consider this.
The Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” has been my constant source of guidance for many years now.
So this week’s reading reminds me yet again of my own personal journey that is interwoven with yours. It’s always amazing how the universe nudges towards all of us in our most vulnerable moments towards gratitude, acceptance, and love.
No matter what is going on for you in your life right now, know you are not alone.
Life is messy and hurtful, beautiful, abundant, wondrous and amazing and we do it together. One day at a time.
I wish you serenity and joy, peace, freedom, and acceptance always and forever.
Merry (fill in the blank)!!
I want to thank you for being part of my world this year. I am going to take a much-needed break and focus on my friends and family and of course fur babies, so there will not be a blog on the 30th. The next time you’ll be reading my next blog with you in mind, we’ll already be manifesting for the new year!!! Video readings, of COURSE, will be the same as always.
BIG LOVE!! See you in 2020!!!
